5 Books to Help Strengthen Your Marriage!

It is always a good time to learn more to strengthen our marriages.  Whether you are engaged to be married, just married, or one that has been married for a long time.  My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years and one thing we have learned is to put God first in your marriage.  Marriage also takes commitment… Not 50/50 but 100/100 percent commitment.  With God as the rock, our focus is off of ourselves, on Him and each other.  Yes, in marriage you become one and becoming one may mean we need to die to our own selfish desires so we can put the other person first.  That is not easy.  That is why we need God’s grace. I have learned that God is the only one who can meet all our needs.  There will be cherished moments and some not so cherished moments in marriages.  That is normal. With God’s help may your marriage be a blessed one with many cherished moments.

Let us move forward to learn more with these great resources! To be honest, I need to read them again myself. They are so good!

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HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS

His Needs, Her Needs–Revised and Expanded
By Willard F. Harley, Jr. / Revell

It’s no surprise; men and women have radically different priorities! In this updated edition of His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley offers new insights into the intimate emotional needs of husbands and wives to help you “affair-proof” your marriage. Learn how to sustain romance, love more creatively and sensitively, deepen your awareness of each other year after year, and overcome marital conflicts. Hardcover.

When we were engaged we were blessed with learning to put God first in our marriage with the help of our church and pre-marital classes. I highly recommend premarital counseling before marriage! During the classes, we were given two books to read.  They were His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage and Love Busters: Protect Your Marriage by Replacing Love-Busting Patterns with Love-Building Habits Wow, there is a lot of information in these two books.  Yes, it was a while back, however the information in these books are timeless. We refer to the books often for ourselves and when we hear of couples in trouble or are to be newly married; they are the first two books we recommend for them to read.

Learning about the love bank and filling each other needs is so important in a marriage. What are the ten top needs of your spouse?  You will find that their needs are not the same as yours.  This book will reveal them and the importance of meeting them to have a successful marriage. Keeping your spouse’s “love bank” filled will surely bless them and enhance your marriage. Disclaimer for unmarried or engaged couples: Take note… some of these needs are to be met after you are married.  I tell my daughters that they are a beautiful gift from God that your husband will get to unwrap after the wedding.  I tell my son to honor his future wife by cherishing her and waiting until after marriage.  No matter what the world says, they are worth the wait and God will honor and bless obedience to his word.

LOVEBUSTERS

Love Busters, revised and updated edition: Protect Your Marriage by Replacing Love-Busting Patterns with Love-Building Habits
By Willard F. Harley, Jr. / Revell

We are so different, husbands and wives. It is so easy to be doing things that you don’t even realize are love busters to your spouse.  Read this book to be sure you are protecting your marriage with love-building habits.

Protect your marriage by replacing love-busting patterns with love-building habits. In this revised and updated version of Love Busters, Willard F. Harley, Jr. expands on the first half of his original book by offering readers a more complete understanding of how to replace love-busting patterns with love-building habits. Discover six common habits of spouses that make each other miserable and destroy romantic love. Includes a Bonus Chapter: Building Romantic Love with Care.

Note: The information found in the second half of the original book – learning how to resolve common conflicts by not using Love Busters – is now found in another book, He Wins, She Wins and its accompanying workbook.

5 LOVE LANGUAGES

Another book I recommend is  5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. It is important to learn each other’s love language. It is our tendency to think that others are loved the same way we are.  You may find out that your spouse’s love language is completely different than yours.  My love language is quality time and my husband’s is encouraging words.  I need to remind myself often of this because I don’t always think to compliment others as much as I should.  I just love spending time with them.  But some people need to hear you say it. And if your spouse is one of them, spending time with them may not be meeting his or her love language.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, New Edition
By Gary Chapman / Northfield Publishing

Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touching – learning these love languages will get your marriage off to a great start or enhance a long-standing one! Chapman explains the purpose of each “language” and shows you how to identify the one that’s meaningful to your spouse now.

Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships in today’s world, this new edition of The 5 Love Languages reveals intrinsic truths and provides action steps in each chapter that will help you on your way to a healthier relationship. Also includes an updated personal profile.

MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK

Marriage on the Rock: 25th Anniversary ediiton
By Jimmy Evans / XO Publishing

Marriage on the Rock: 25th Anniversary Edition is another fine book. Jimmy Evans does a great job getting to real life issues in marriage.  He gets right to the point, has great insights and adds some humor as well.

While many people desperately want a marriage that works, fewer of them really believe they can experience success. In this book, leading marriage expert Jimmy Evans discusses practical real-life challenges and offers easy solutions on how to have a healthy and thriving marriage. Whether you have been married for years or are just preparing for the journey, Marriage on the Rock is the essential resource that will transform your relationship.

This book will teach you:

•  Why no person can meet your deepest needs

• How to make marriage a top priority

• How to understand and meet your spouse’s needs

•  The different ways men and women communicate

• How to achieve maximum sexual satisfaction

• Skills for raising great kids even in a blended family

LOVE & RESPECT

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs / Thomas Nelson

My final recommendation is Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs  This book reminds us that one of the basic needs our husbands want is Respect. How do we do that as wives?  A woman wants love.  How do we do that as husbands?  Read this book to find out how we can meet these needs as well.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, is based on the biblical passage from Ephesians 5:33 (But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands – GODS WORD® translation). His premise is that communication between a husband and wife is often frustrated because of the vastly different ways in which men and women perceive love. Women are wired to need unconditional love and men need to feel unconditionally respected. Revitalize the love in your marriage! A Focus on the Family Recommendation; hardcover.

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The best resource for marriage, of course, is God’s word.  God created marriage and has the ultimate plan for us and our marriages.  Everything we read, we should make sure it aligns with the Bible.

I can attest these books have enhanced our marriage and if this is a way I can help others with their marriage, I want to share it.  There are so many couples struggling today.  We all have blissful times and struggles at times. I pray that these books and resources are great tools you can use in your marriage.  Marriage is a wonderful blessing and gift from God. Like exercising, to keep it strong… it takes time, dedication, and commitment.

Let’s support each other to keep our marriages strong.  If you know of some other great resources, feel free to share them in the comments. I would love to hear them.

Blessings

Cheryl Bippus

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